Making a Zombie Movie? Or just concerned about your neighbors or society in general????? ZOMBIES…HOW TO KILL THEM, KINDS OF ZOMBIES, TYPES OF WEAPONS, MISTAKES

Making a Zombie Movie? Or just concerned about your neighbors or society in general????? ZOMBIES…HOW TO KILL THEM, KINDS OF ZOMBIES, TYPES OF WEAPONS, MISTAKES

Bruce Bisbey follow my Film and TV blog at https://dumbdogproductionsllc.blogspot.com

To kill zombies, you need to destroy their brains. The most surefire route is simply lopping off the cranium with a chainsaw, machete, or samurai sword. Mind the follow-through, however-- anything less than 100 percent severance just isn't good enough.

Remove the head or destroy the brain to get rid of zombies. This is the most basic principle of destroying the ravaging zombie horde. It relies on the assumption that the infected zombie brain sends brain-eating messages to the zombie body. Sever this connection between zombified brain and undead body and you are left with the simply dead instead of the undead. Without the motor skills or motivation to devour brains, the zombie becomes indistinguishable from any old corpse lying around. Use whatever means you have at hand. Then consider composting the remains for your garden. Though soylent zombie is not recommended as it may spread the zombie virus. And taste terrible.

There are almost as many ways to get rid of zombies as there are varieties of zombies. But, before you begin, be sure to think of practical matters: Where will these zombie bits and pieces be flying? What kind of smell will a pit of zombies in the backyard produce? And just how will you keep chunks of the living dead from clogging up your wood chipper? Each method used to get rid of zombie pests will have its own challenges. Just remember to have fun and avoid getting bit…try to avoid any blood splatter, too, as that might be contagious dependent on zombie type.

INFECTED/FAST ZOMBIES

Many instances of Fast Zombies are not truly dead, merely humans in a rabid state, immune to pain, exhaustion, and mercy. While faster, and more hostile fighters than their slower cousins, they are ultimately more fragile. They can bleed out (major damage to the arteries of the neck, upper arms and legs can incapacitate them), and destroying the heart, lungs, spine or aorta can be instantly fatal. Still, because of their overwhelming ferocity, a glancing or mistimed blow with a melee weapon is usually the last mistake a human makes, so firearms are strongly advised.

BEING PREPARED!

Everybody has a zombie contingency plan. A unique and ingenious stratagem they've spent hours contemplating that ensures them and their loved ones will stay alive in the event of a zombie apocalypse. The only problem? You've got the exact same essential plan as everybody else: go raid the gun store, get out of the cities as fast as possible, find a sturdy base to fortify and hole up in, use a melee weapon whenever possible to conserve ammo and--if the worst does come to pass and you find yourself facing down a crowd of the undead--take your time, aim carefully and make every shot a head shot.

1 RAIDING THE GUN STORE

First things first: You need a firearm. The time for "common sense gun control" went out the window the second grandpa came back from the afterlife to make a sandwich out of your face. No matter what your political stance was before the uprising, you fucking love the Second Amendment now. You want the biggest, shiniest, loudest monstrosity possible. If there's a gun that shoots a thousand bullets a second; that's great. If there's one that shoots a thousand flaming bullets a second; even better! If there's a gun that shoots out other guns that all fire thousands of flaming bullets in mere seconds--like some sort of pyramid scheme comprised entirely of shredding death infernos--well, that would be just dandy. But even if you already have the god-king of firearms at your disposal, you're still not ready. You need to arm everybody in your group, you need spares just in case and you need ammo. In short, you need to get to the gun store.

The closest gun shop to your house is also the closest gun shop to a thousand other people's houses, and at least a few dozen of them are going to get there before you. Assuming that the place isn't clean out--probably because the shop is either locked down like a fortress, or because the owners are barricaded inside and would rather like to keep their livelihood and defensive measures, thanks--you still need to get your arsenal. See, owners of gun stores tend to like guns, and people that like guns not only generally want to keep them, but are also quite capable of using them.

Now you and a thousand other people are on the outside of a suburban fortress, hurling "pretty pleases" at a half-insane, heavily-armed, trained marksmen inside. Not only are you probably not coming away from the gun store with a shiny new weapon; you'd be lucky to get out of there without an impromptu sunroof installed in your skull.

2 GET OUT OF TOWN

A major city is the absolute worst place to be in the event of a zombie uprising. The population density alone spells trouble, so the farther you can get away from civilization, the better. At the very first sign of trouble, you need to get right the hell out of there. In fact, everybody does. And what happens when everybody in a city needs to get somewhere at the same time?

Like, say, during rush hour? That's right: deadlock. It's just that this time, there's a bit more emphasis on the "dead."

Blindly following your knee-jerk flee response has dropped you straight in the middle of Super-Rush-Hour, a hellish place where you sit futilely trapped in a confined space, surrounded by people who may or may not already be infected, but are certainly standing around looking delicious to the zombie hordes. You just wanted to get out as quickly as possible, but now look at you: Stuck in an unmoving meat-line with a thousand other morsels and the only thing your car is doing is keeping the freshness in until the ravenous human can-openers get there.

3 FORTIFY YOUR BASE

Shelter, along with food and water, is one of the three main essentials absolutely necessary to human life. Just because there's no more room in Hell for the dead, that doesn't mean you no longer need a roof keeping your head dry. So you'd better get busy either finding or building yourself no less than an impenetrable fortress, and stay there until this thing blows over, right?

Putting yourself in a siege situation only works if there's the possibility that the invading force will stop. But you're not dealing with people here. Holding out against an army of people works because people can be reasoned with, they might have to leave to get supplies, or perhaps they'll just weigh the pros and cons of the situation and leave.

"It's been two months, so uh ... you guys need anything? Coffee? Blankets? No? Nothing? Brains? Oh, OK! Brains it is."
Zombies don't get bored or impatient, they need nothing to keep them alive (because they're, you know, not) and they're not really known for their logistic prowess: No cons will be weighed here. Food is a pro. You are food. You are there. So there are only pros here. They will wait for you forever. But you will run out of supplies eventually, and every day you stay put in your nigh-invulnerable bunker is another day zombies pile up outside.

Zombies aren't a threat because they thin out gradually over time - they're a threat because they fucking multiply. Zombies beget zombies beget zombies, and they do their best begetting while scrabbling incessantly at your door for months on end because they can hear you crying inside. All "holing up" in a stationary location does is make the zombies want it more.

4 CONSERVE AMMO: USE MELEE WEAPONS WHEN POSSIBLE

The zombie apocalypse is a rough and tumble place, and most of us manage to rack up ER-worthy paper-cuts even at our current passive office jobs. In short: You're going to have open wounds, and exploding heads tends to be a bloody affair. So if all body fluids infect, blood included, then bites are the least of your worries. Consider this: For the sake of argument, let's pretend you don't spend your free time reading about zombies on the Internet and are, instead, a human being at peak physical condition. Now, go outside and find the nearest, smallest wild animal. Good? OK, now dive-tackle that son of a bitch and try to take a bite out of it.

If yes, then holy shit! You really did that? That was just a hypothetical scenario. You're crazy as hell. Don't waste your time here, man. The zombie apocalypse is the least of your worries. The Devil is probably possessing your scrotum right now; you've got bigger fish to fry.

But if you didn't manage to get a taste of that woodland critter, well, that illustrates the point nicely: Grabbing an unwilling victim with your bare hands and taking a bite isn't easy. Things want to live, and they tend to move around a lot when you attempt to eat them, just like you will when grasped by a zombie. Just avoiding bites is not the problem. However, showering an attacker with your head-juice when it is bashing in your skull with a cricket bat is quite a different matter. That's a fucking cakewalk. Bashing in a head at close range means you're going to get blood everywhere; if you had so much as a scrape, now you're a zombie. It's much better to use up a bit of your ammo supply, rather than risk taking a crimson shower in skull leavings from the infectious undead.

5 ALWAYS AIM FOR THE HEAD

Everybody knows that the only surefire way to kill a zombie is to destroy the brain, and we've already established that you want to be as far away as possible when you do that, so at some point in time you're going to be shooting zombies in the head. That's actually one of the only good things about a zombie apocalypse; head-shots are awesome! But think about that for a second:

Head-shots are impressive in movies and video games because they're the hardest of all possible shots. Taking your time and waiting for the right moment is all well and good if you're picking off roamers for a disturbing afternoon's entertainment on a leisurely Sunday picnic, but if shit goes down and you're faced with a crowd of zombies (they do tend to crowd, you see, quite rude like that) your last concern should be surefire kills, it should be getting the fuck out of there, finding a safe corner to sob in, and then finding a change of pants (in that order).

12 ZOMBIE FACTS

1. Zombies are still mobile with 75% of the body destroyed. …

2. Zombies do not eat anything other than human flesh or blood and can smell blood up to a mile away. Keep your wounds dressed and bound. …

3. It is estimated that less than 15% of the human population will remain truly alive. …

4. Being able to run faster then anyone in your party or group when be chased or overwhelmed by a horde of Zombies can be helpful. ...

5. Zombies communicate with shrill shrieks and screams to attract further hoards. Kill them quietly. …

6. Zombies can sprint as fast as humans. …

7. Zombies continue to rot causing a nauseating odor. …

8. Zombies can survive at the bottom of oceans, rivers and swimming pools. They do not drown. Though if they are in the water long enough both small and large feed will feed on the rotting flesh. …

9. Once bitten full zombification will take no longer than 3 days. Suicide will result in zombification unless you shoot yourself in the brain. …

10. A zombie can dig through six feet of earth in approximately 10 minutes. Encase them in concrete. …

11. You can disguise yourself by rubbing Zombie blood and cover yourself with Zombie guts and gore over your body. Don’t not use the blood and body parts from a Zombie kill, it will only attract them to you. ...

12. Zombies do not like being tickled. I do not advise you use this as a defense. … :-)

ANTI-ZOMBIE ARSENAL

ZOMBIE BLOOD, GUTS AND GORE AS CAMOUFLAGE

You can disguise yourself by rubbing Zombie blood and cover yourself with Zombie guts and gore over your body. Don’t not use the blood and body parts from a Zombie kill, it will only attract them to you.

GUNS.

Of course. Whenever you see a zombie movie, guns are the weapon of choice. And I use the term “guns” loosely. From a 9mm to a harpoon to a grenade launcher to a slingshot loaded with cherry bombs, guns can be a fun and effective way to get rid of zombies. Use them for target practice, set up sharp-shooting contests, or engage in zombie hunting escapades. It’s a fun outdoor activity for the whole family!

SPEAR.

Great of poking and ramming it in to their head. Aim for one of their eye sockets.

BOW AND ARROW.

Whether a compound, static or cross bow. These babies will get the job done. Just be careful not to miss and if there are a large number of them or a horde be sure to be at safe distance so you can run like hell.

CHAINSAW.

Up close and personable! Make sure the damn chainsaw works…nothing worst then fighting Zombies and it won’t start.

EXPLODING.

A solid technique, but one that requires heavy weaponry. In the chaos that will doubtlessly strike an urban center after a zombie infestation, make your way to a military storehouse or a morally dubious pawn shop and acquire a rocket launcher. Then shoot, load, and repeat.

MACHETE.

Keep your blade sharp. It is great for taking off a head or splitting it right down the center.

SHARPEN BROOM

Sharpen the point of a broom stick. Great for prodding and poking.

DECAPITATION.

To kill zombies, you need to destroy their brains. The most surefire route is simply lopping off the cranium with a chainsaw, machete, or samurai sword. Mind the follow-through, however-- anything less than 100 percent severance just isn't good enough.

BLUDGEONING.

Any blunt object--from a baseball bat to a brick--wielded with suitable force at the cranium will destroy the brain. But be quick on your feet and keep your eye on the target, slugger--when you're this close to a zombie, miss even once and you might as well just hand your brains to the zombie on a silver platter.

SHOVEL.

It’s good for digging, but more importantly, it’s good for whacking zombies. It can also be used for beheading. Y’know, removing the head and destroying the brain? Other than zombie whacking, shovels can be used for zombie poking, zombie prodding, zombie battering, and zombie dismemberment. You can find them in most garages, they fit into the back of any old pickup, and you can even use that shovel in your garden after the crash of civilization. Amazon has a fine selection, like this Ames True Temper beauty.

AX.

For those preferring a more hands-on eradication of zombies, consider the ax. Exercise those upper body muscles and get a good cardio workout with each swing and hack. Use your ax to remove the head or destroy the brain. Or simply immobilize the zombie threat by removing its limbs. Use the ax to cut down trees to create a fence for a zombie fight ring. Invite your friends. Think of the entertainment value!

WAIT FOR THE ZOMBIES TO DECAY.

This method relies heavily on the type of zombie infestation that you have. This will not work on every kind of the undead. But it may be that the type of zombie around your neighborhood doesn’t have a very long shelf-life. If your zombies are the type that cannot regenerate or repair their own tissue, then hot-dang, all you have to do is wait it out! Exposure to the elements will wreak havoc upon undead tissue. And as they begin to decay, their ability to acquire brains from human beings also decays. Soon these ferocious brain seekers will only be piles of goo, and your life can once again return to normal.

THINGS TO AVOID

FIRE.

While fire may seem to be a natural, cheap, and easy solution to your zombie infestation, I assure you that fire is most likely not the answer. You know how those zombies are, always getting into everything. Curious little creatures they are. Now, can you picture those curious little biters on fire?

NUCLEAR ARMS.

Nukes. Good for killin’ the whales. Bad for killin’ the zombies. Imagine a bunch of brain-crazy, undead cannibals’ hell bent on eating you. Now imagine that they’re radioactive to boot. You get where I’m going with this. So, unless you’re into killing whales, avoid the nukes.

MISTAKES

• Do not underestimate the effect fear may have on a survivor's capacity to fight, especially their first few encounters.
• It is usually better to avoid confrontation if possible, and instead flee undetected, especially if one isn't barricaded, or by a base. The groans of one zombie may bring many more than one can handle.
• As earlier mentioned, there is great misinformation in regards to the ease of fracturing the skull. Sometimes a sharp weapon to sever the spine at the neck is more practical.
• Some types of zombies are immune or ignorant of the sounds of gunfire. Some hone into it. Before letting off rounds indiscriminately, it's best to know which type is present.
• Do not underestimate how tiring it may be to penetrate a skull. It will rarely take only one swing, so be prepared. Be aware of your surroundings, and how much space you need to swing.

THINGS TO CONSIDER BEFORE COMMITTING TO BATTLE

• If there is a melee weapon present, are you sure you know how to hold it?
• Are you sure it is durable enough to use without breaking in your hands?
• How long can you attack with it before exhaustion kicks in? If it does, what is plan B?
• Are you sure it can break the skull?
• Can you slip away unnoticed, or incapacitate/trap the zombie?
• How sure are you that their groans won't attract nearby zombies?

USE YOUR BRAAAIIIINNNSSS DON’T LET THEM GET EATEN

Remember that getting rid of zombies isn’t a chore–it can be fun. The most important thing you can remember is to remove the head and destroy the brain. After that, you can be as creative as you want. Make a game out of it. See who of your friends and family can destroy the most zombies in a designated period of time.

As long as you avoid the big no-no’s of fire and, were you to be able to get your hands on them, nuclear arms, then the rest is up to you. Put on some music. Grab some beers or favorite pop (Coke Cola, Pepsi or a Fanta). Grab your guns (alcohol and guns never mix, unless it’s after a zombie apocalypse; in such a case, guns and alcohol are encouraged.).

Then go crazy. You’ve never had a better excuse to blow the brains out of your zombified boss, in-laws, grouchy old neighbor, and that kid that was mean to you once in the third grade. As long as you remember the basic principle of how to get rid of zombies, you’ll do just fine: remove the head or destroy the brain. Just try not to get bit in the process.

Sources: Google, Wikipedia, IMDB, Portland Mercury, Pinterest, Get Rid of Things, Erin Eliason, Zombiepedia, Fandom, Zombie Wikia, The Top Tens, Cracked, Zombies Alive, Thought Catalog, 101 Ways to Kill A Zombie, Robb Pearlman, Dave Urban, Popular Mechanics, Inc.com, Fast Company